I want to be seen.
My friend Aliza asked me to be part of a panel at Capon Crossing Farm's Homesteading Festival. She is calling the panel "WILD AND WONDERFUL WOMEN'S WISDOM". All in caps. Just like that, she turned me into wild, wonderful and wise woman.
Why is it so hard for mothers to take credit for their hard, honorable work? I frequently tell my husband that I don't have a job. I want a job. I need to work. (There is a dark side of homeschooling.)
He responds the same every time. "You are working! You are raising three incredible, wonderful kids. That is such an awesome responsibility. And you are so good at it."
My normal response to that is "But I don't get paid! I don't have job reviews! I don't have a title. And I have no benefits."
I asked one of my friends for her cell number. She handed me a business card. It has her name in bold, and a title: mom to Tom and Mary (not their real names). Household Manager/Scheduler.
Is that all I needed? I have two business cards. One for Tin Roof Goods, my sewing and quilting business, and one for LOCO4Worms. Because yes, I compost with worms. You have to do something with all of that rabbit manure...
But those don't make me any more visible. You have to have social media cred to be real. A blog. Facebook Pages for each business. Cute photographs of kids holding worms, or wearing your creations.
Sometimes I don't brush my teeth until 3 pm. How am I supposed to make myself visible with homeschooling, worm wrangling and quilting when my teeth are grungy with two cups of coffee and last night's salad still in there?
At this year's VA Homeschoolers conference sessions, I compared Adult Developmental Tasks to Child and Adolescent Developmental Tasks. A new friend asked me "How do I grow ME when I am so busy growing them? How do I feel real? Visible? Everybody says I am doing such an important job..."
"Raising your kids?" I asked.
Fist bumps. Nailed it. I'm not alone.
So. What does it take to be seen? To give ourselves credit in a society where titles and pay scales are pretty important? Because the one job I get credit for right now? They are slowly firing me.
I don't have the answer - but I am looking. I know that Aliza made me visible on Facebook with her advertisement. I know that now that I am 60, I am legally wise. So I am going to share some of the journey with you if you want to come along.
I want to be seen. I think I have been given invisible diseases (brain injury and Lyme disease) that have slowly created a chasm between my being as a wise and wild woman to a women who is just making it through the day, hiding from doctor's bills and pain. But every so often, the wise one steps back out. The one who sees others as strong and capable and impressively living forward into life, and can help them shout it from the roof tops.
Every day, I can create a new world. Every day I can look in the mirror and see a wise, wild woman with crinkles around her eyes smiling back at me. Hidden inside of me are experiences and thoughts and journeys I've forgotten. According to Erik Erikson, I am in the stage of Generativity vs. Stagnation. So I'm going to generate a visible me.
My friend Aliza asked me to be part of a panel at Capon Crossing Farm's Homesteading Festival. She is calling the panel "WILD AND WONDERFUL WOMEN'S WISDOM". All in caps. Just like that, she turned me into wild, wonderful and wise woman.
Why is it so hard for mothers to take credit for their hard, honorable work? I frequently tell my husband that I don't have a job. I want a job. I need to work. (There is a dark side of homeschooling.)
He responds the same every time. "You are working! You are raising three incredible, wonderful kids. That is such an awesome responsibility. And you are so good at it."
My normal response to that is "But I don't get paid! I don't have job reviews! I don't have a title. And I have no benefits."
I asked one of my friends for her cell number. She handed me a business card. It has her name in bold, and a title: mom to Tom and Mary (not their real names). Household Manager/Scheduler.
Is that all I needed? I have two business cards. One for Tin Roof Goods, my sewing and quilting business, and one for LOCO4Worms. Because yes, I compost with worms. You have to do something with all of that rabbit manure...
But those don't make me any more visible. You have to have social media cred to be real. A blog. Facebook Pages for each business. Cute photographs of kids holding worms, or wearing your creations.
Sometimes I don't brush my teeth until 3 pm. How am I supposed to make myself visible with homeschooling, worm wrangling and quilting when my teeth are grungy with two cups of coffee and last night's salad still in there?
At this year's VA Homeschoolers conference sessions, I compared Adult Developmental Tasks to Child and Adolescent Developmental Tasks. A new friend asked me "How do I grow ME when I am so busy growing them? How do I feel real? Visible? Everybody says I am doing such an important job..."
"Raising your kids?" I asked.
Fist bumps. Nailed it. I'm not alone.
So. What does it take to be seen? To give ourselves credit in a society where titles and pay scales are pretty important? Because the one job I get credit for right now? They are slowly firing me.
I don't have the answer - but I am looking. I know that Aliza made me visible on Facebook with her advertisement. I know that now that I am 60, I am legally wise. So I am going to share some of the journey with you if you want to come along.
I want to be seen. I think I have been given invisible diseases (brain injury and Lyme disease) that have slowly created a chasm between my being as a wise and wild woman to a women who is just making it through the day, hiding from doctor's bills and pain. But every so often, the wise one steps back out. The one who sees others as strong and capable and impressively living forward into life, and can help them shout it from the roof tops.
Every day, I can create a new world. Every day I can look in the mirror and see a wise, wild woman with crinkles around her eyes smiling back at me. Hidden inside of me are experiences and thoughts and journeys I've forgotten. According to Erik Erikson, I am in the stage of Generativity vs. Stagnation. So I'm going to generate a visible me.
You are a beautiful soul. I know that you "see" me and I want you to know that I "see" you. It's very difficult to live with an invisible disease that very often just drags us down and causes us to pull very hard to get back up. Our strength is our faith, family and REAL friends that get it. Not just friends that are there while it's easy or while it's fun. I truly believe that God has brought us together to share in this crap and make the very best of every day. I look forward to Thursdays when I know I am surrounded by a family that gets it. I love you friend and I am eternally grateful for your wisdom, kindness and compassion.
ReplyDeletePamela! Hi, it's Pam, your new friend. Love the start of your social media cred!! Woo hoo! You are so insightful. I look forward to hearing your voice more often in my life, both in person & in social media!!
ReplyDeleteWe are so unbelievably hard on ourselves, yet so very forgiving of others. Why do we do that to ourselves? I have met so many amazing, capable, thoughtful women on this homeschooling journey. And I'm pretty sure they'd say the same of me, yet I feel small. I'm working on it. I'm taking more initiative for what I want for ME & I'm on a positive trajectory, but it takes constant reminding that I'm important enough for my family to sacrifice for me (instead of the other way around). My goal is that I become more authentically me!
We all are just doing this life journey & this raising kids journey as best we can. Let's remember our strengths & our gifts & not focus on our weaknesses.
I See You! And I sure think a lot of you! A genuine soul who uses her power for good.
ReplyDeleteFist bump. Nailed it.
ReplyDeleteThis was so much my own experience -- I even joined a group that meets twice a month called "Inspired and Unstoppable Women." But I'm happy to report that, three years into my empty nest phase, the need to recreate myself into something more "important" or recognizable to others has lessened. When one's identity is so wrapped up in being the full time homeschooling mama, the transition out of that can be challenging. But it doesn't seem to last. Life just continues to be filled with new and interesting things, including more peace, more wisdom.